Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
