There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
