how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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