god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
