As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
