Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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