fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
dude. I can hear the air.
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