so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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