I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
