So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
