these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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