Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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