If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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