So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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