so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
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Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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