The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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