a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
