Where is the hickey?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
