we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
