I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
