***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
