just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
