And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
