Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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