Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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