Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize