I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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