We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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