If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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