Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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