Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
