I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
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Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
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The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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