Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I bet he comes in French.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
