he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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