I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
