I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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