I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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