Define "chronic" masturbator.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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