i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
