Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
