oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
