You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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