There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
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Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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