I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm too high and old for this...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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