dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
