i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
