Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
