I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
