he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
