a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
