Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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