Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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