Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize