I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
