The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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