her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
