I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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