Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Quick, to the slutcave!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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