she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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