when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
