I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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