I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
