a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
