Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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