i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
