Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
