Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize