Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
