distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
